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1. Wean yourself off any nice comforting habits you have fallen into. If you’re not happy with your life and you’re addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, sex, chocolate, carbohydrates, and drugs (oh yes, and TV soap operas) – or whatever it is that is taking your focus away from what really needs your attention – then you must promise yourself you will break that habit. And intend to make good the promise.
   
   e.g. When I was trying to change my self-sabotaging relationship patterns, and attract to myself my soul mate the first thing (after acknowledging I didn’t know it all), was to stop doing what I’d always done. In that case, it was stop giving my loyalty to the first guy who came along that I fancied who gave me attention. So for me – step one was to live alone. Sad but true, I had never lived on my own until I was 36. But for me that was the first step in the right direction.
   
2. Share all the resulting emotions and dependency cravings with God, (the Life Force, Higher Self, the Universe, Christ, Buddha, your Guide) whatever you call that aspect who is greater than you. You will find you have a lot to share – a lot of deep and meaningful stuff. A lot of sadness, anger, grief, etc. This is good – in your sharing it with God, you’re letting it go. In my case, I spent a lot of time (good thing I was on my own) venting my emotions. And walking. That got rid of a lot of pent up emotions and frustrated energy.
   
3. Also share your heartfelt desires with the Life Force. Let It know what you really want. Be very clear about your sacred wishes. Actually, you’re not doing this to let the Life Force know what you want. It already knows – It’s omniscient. You’re doing this as an exercise in accepting (and getting clear about) your truth. In my case, I found this harder than venting my anger. To actually admit to the Universe that I wanted my soul mate in my life was almost impossible. It was a sacred-sweet desire that I hardly dared verbalise. My biggest reason for not openly asking the Universe for my soul mate was that I didn’t trust It. (Probably stemmed to not trusting a God who could allow my dad to die when I was ten). Anyhow, I also believed that my soul mate, after everyone else in the world was paired up – would be a dork. (And no, he’s not). So I had to open up to trust.
   
4. Back up your heartfelt wishes with actions (and words). In my case it meant, going out with lots of different types of guys – but just for coffee. I was changing my habits. I didn’t’ just go out with who I fancied. Because let’s face it, it hadn’t worked before. Maybe my choosing was flawed. And if I liked them, I wouldn’t let them move in, I’d try a movie with them. What I was doing for the first time in my life, was being discerning. Really deciding what I wanted – and not just accepting what came along. By doing this, I knew I wouldn’t end up causing any more males (or myself) heartache by leaving them later on, because I’d allowed a relationship to develop too far. In other words, if you only like them to talk to, but not to kiss – just stick with the coffee thing, and don’t do the sex thing. Stick with the reality of the situation – don’t fall for the fantasy of what you’d like.
   
5. Let out some more emotions. If your heartfelt desire hasn’t arrived yet, don’t get disheartened. You’re trying to change a lifetime’s beliefs and programming – and that won’t usually happen overnight. In my case, I found a photo of a lovely guru who I resonated with – put that by my bedside – and talked to him each night. While I may have started off crying, I always ended up feeling loved, nurtured and comforted.
   
6. If you haven’t already, write a list. Be very exact as to what you want – more in terms of qualities than just physical characteristics. Visualise yourself with your heartfelt desire.
   
7. Keep out of temptation’s way. In my case, I steered clear (eventually) of a guy I fancied because I knew we were wrong for each other. If you’re trying to lose weight and you have a thing for chocolate – don’t walk into a sweet shop.
   
8. Take note of your dreams. They’ll give you insights into yourself. They’ll give you clear advice about what’s wrong in your life. And they’ll give you premonitions of happy outcomes (mine did).
   
9. Read "Absolute Happiness" by Michael Rowlands and do the 22x11 exercise he recommends. This is a great book and full of wise advice.
   
10. Accept your reality. "If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with" is a wise saying. Because what it’s asking is that you rise above your petty childishness and bring forth a greater you from within. And also because as with anything – if you want love, give it. If you want trust, give it. If you want happiness – find it in your heart – NOW.
    
11. Don’t try and make it happen. And don’t try and manipulate others. Take each day as it comes. Look out for the ‘signs’. Act timely and appropriately. If you can’t believe in a happy outcome, at least try and suspend disbelief that it can happen to you. Be grateful every day for what you do have in your life, as you sacredly allow your heartfelt wish to come to you.
    
12. And one day, just when you’re really, truly happy with your life, you’ll find that the heartfelt desire that you’ve shared with your Godforce so tenderly – walks into your life.
    
13. And you give thanks.
    
14. And you smile.