How I acted on a dream and found my soul mate

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In 1982 I met a great guy called Barry. We were twenty, both at college and doing banking exams in the UK at the time. We had a lot in common - hating the bank was the biggest thing! Baz said he was going to be a DJ in the South of France the next summer and I decided to join him, and would sell my watercolours. A group of us made a pact to give up our jobs and go, but a year later the only ones who were brave enough to follow through with this were Barry and I. Many people we knew said we were stupid to give up secure jobs - in the face of three million unemployed. But we were free spirits and nothing would stop us. Not even French Customs Police, but that's a story for another day. For nine wonderful months we lived free, easy and fun-filled lives. By now our inseparable friendship had become a true romance, and everything was wonderful - as everything is when two young people are in love.

We returned to England that autumn and were persuaded by our folks to buy a house together. "It'll be a good investment", they reminded us. So we did. It was so exciting, finding the right place and choosing the colour schemes. We were free of our families at last, and could live together as adults in our own home. The following spring however, our travelling urges took hold and we tried to find work in France again. But the mortgage came between us and freedom and we eventually had to return to England to find regular jobs to pay the bills.

That was our downfall. We were two free spirits with many years of adventure still to play out. But the house became a heavy weight around our necks and soon what had been fun, now became stale. Barry spent more and more time at work and I felt increasingly alone and unloved. We parted some time later - both broken hearted but unable to find any solution to what seemed insurmountable problems. The only way I could leave him was the knowledge that if we were meant to be together, one day we would meet again. I had a mental picture of us in our sixties by a log fire telling each other our life stories.

Barry took up with a Spanish girl and eventually married her and settled in the Canary Islands, working as a night-club DJ and radio presenter. After a while, his marriage ended and he spent several years working and partying long and hard.

I married a sweet fellow, but it turned out to be on the rebound and we soon divorced. Leaving him suddenly, I spent a short time with a very mixed up man but at the same time began to devour every bit of information I could on spirituality. The relationship turned sour after he broke my nose and I travelled to Europe and the USA, meeting up with a fascinating companion who became my partner for six years. I learned a lot more about spirituality and creativity from him and he encouraged me to express myself as a strong woman. However, a part of me couldn't commit to him - I wanted someone I was in love with on all levels; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. I began to feel empty inside - I knew I needed to leave, to find my independence and set up on my own. But my loyalty kept me from leaving. One day, maybe as an unconscious excuse to end our relationship, I left him for a brief affair with an acquaintance. It devastated him, shattered our friendship, and finally made me realise that I couldn't keep betraying the men who loved and trusted me. For the very first time, I felt their suffering. Previous to this, I had just locked all the hurt away and moved to another town or country, continuing my life as if nothing had happened.

I knew I was repeating a pattern. I also knew that while I wanted my independence, I also longed for intimacy with my true soul mate. But it wasn't going to happen if I kept on acting as before - playing house with a genuine guy who showed an interest in me, but running when I realised I'd chosen without listening to my heart first. While my spiritual work was booming, I seriously needed to get my act together if I was ever going to find true happiness in the romance department. For one thing, I couldn't genuinely give consultations to others, if I wasn't prepared to practise what I 'preached'.

So I spent the next eighteen months finding out my inner truth - what I dearly wanted in a relationship. I also took a good long hard look at myself and found out all the ways I was sabotaging myself. I encountered aspects of myself that I squirmingly had to acknowledge. I also realised that I didn't have to change for anyone - my real soul mate would love and accept me for who I am, warts and all. I wrote a check list of all the qualities I wanted in my ideal man and vowed I wouldn't settle for anything less. One of the items on the check list was that he would have a knowledge of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray.

I had just started to enjoy living alone (for the first time in thirty-six years), when I had a dream about Barry, my first love. In the dream he was depressed and when I awoke I felt a strong need to contact him. I also realised that I had never really got over him and I needed to speak with him to finally 'let him go'. I got his number from his mum in England and rang him. With heart pounding, we spoke for the first time in twelve years. And it was as if we'd never parted. He had been depressed as he had gone through a major spiritual transformation and was wondering how to incorporate that into his life.

We wrote to each other regularly and when my mother invited me to England (from Australia) for a month in July that year, Barry suggested he could fly me over to see him in the Canary Islands. I went. I had to see him one last time, to say goodbye. Idiot. I got off the plane in Tenerife and we hugged. I sobbed with joy at holding him again and my heart knew here was the man for me. By the time we got to his place, we had already discussed marriage and children (something we'd both said we'd never have). But I had to be sure. I decided that although my heart knew this was right, I'd see if he checked out on my check list.

Barry put my case in his room. And what was on his bedside table? "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"! Tick number one. He had obviously spent time working on himself in the personal growth area. By the end of the week, my mental check list had ticks all over the place. We had always been right for each other, but had had to mature before we could get together again. Before I left, Barry proposed and as a token of his pledge, gave me his ring - the one I'd given him on his twenty first birthday.

That was July 1997. In September that year, Barry sold up everything in Tenerife and came out to Australia - with an engagement (eternity) ring. For once, we'd both had a role reversal - I'd called the shots and he'd followed the female. We were married on 14th February 1998. We sold the house in England (that was still in joint names) and used the proceeds to put towards a house in Australia. In October that year, I gave birth to our son, Luke.

Today we are really happy with a cute and adorable son. I am happier than I could ever have dared wish. I do take credit in working on myself to the point where I am able to be a good partner. And so does Barry. But where did that dream come from? ... I am so grateful to the Universe for getting us back together.

Copyright © 2006 Aannsha Jones